The Top Resident Evil Ships — as Judged by Albert Wesker Himself
Ah, shipping. The pastime of the masses who, rather than perfecting viral weaponry, spend their time mashing together names like a T-virus blender set to purée. Very well. If humanity insists on pairing me with colleagues, subordinates, and occasional sworn enemies, allow me to narrate this circus from my own superior perspective. Do keep your safety goggles on, things are about to get steamy — in an umbrella-approved fashion.
1. Chris Redfield × Albert Wesker (Chrisker)
Let us begin with the obvious. My dear Chris. His muscles are essentially their own Umbrella bioweapon. The fans insist on imagining us locked in a sweaty, testosterone-fueled dance of hatred and homoerotic tension. Punch a boulder, then punch me? Yes, yes, very romantic. I imagine it ends with him weeping in the shower while I adjust my sunglasses.
2. Jill Valentine × Albert Wesker (Weskertine)
The master of unlocking, and apparently of unlocking my darker side in fanfiction. Jill and I have an undeniable chemistry — mostly her rage and my smugness. In shipping, that translates to candlelit dinner interrogations where she keeps a pistol under the table. Delightful foreplay.
3. Claire Redfield × Albert Wesker (Clesker)
Chris’s sister. Fans do adore symmetry. They envision me seducing her while simultaneously taunting Chris. That’s two birds, one virus. She’s resilient, fiery, and stubborn — qualities one might admire in a lab rat or a reluctant lover. Pick your poison.
4. William Birkin × Albert Wesker (Willsker)
Now we enter the scientist-to-scientist pipeline. William and I shared more coffee than secrets, but the fandom? Oh, they imagine us scribbling equations in the lab before scribbling each other’s names on hotel stationery. It’s all viruses and vices. Beautifully infectious.
5. Ada Wong × Albert Wesker (Wongsker)
Ada, the queen of double-crosses. Fans adore the idea of me and her in an endless tango of betrayal, stilettos clicking on the lab floor as briefcases change hands. She’s lethal in a red dress, and apparently that means we should kiss. Humans are so predictable.
6. Excella Gionne × Albert Wesker (Gioker)
Ah, my partner in Resident Evil 5. Canon gave us some sparks — and a touch of corporate flirtation. Fans merely added champagne, a yacht, and more backstabbing than a holiday at Umbrella HQ. Excella was ambitious, but let’s be honest, she was never going to be the one holding the syringe.
7. Rebecca Chambers × Albert Wesker (Rebesker)
Rebecca, the prodigy medic. Innocent, bright-eyed, and often tossed into peril. Fandom gleefully imagines me corrupting that innocence in every way possible, like a science fair gone terribly wrong. She patches wounds, I create them. Opposites attract, they say.
8. Sheva Alomar × Albert Wesker (Shesker)
Sheva was Chris’s formidable partner in Resident Evil 5. Fans, ever creative, placed me in the middle of that partnership. They imagine sparks flying as bullets fly, while Chris sulks in the corner. Sheva deserves better than Chris, they claim. Naturally, they mean me.
9. Leon S. Kennedy × Albert Wesker (Weskennedy)
Leon, America’s floppy-haired poster boy for surviving disasters. Fans revel in imagining me corrupting his hero complex with villainous charm. Picture me offering him a syringe with a wink, while he awkwardly declines and adjusts his hair. Comedy gold, apparently.
10. Jack Krauser × Albert Wesker (Krausker)
Krauser and I have a working relationship in canon — mercenaries, viruses, backroom deals. The fandom insists this extends to locker-room banter and glistening pec comparisons. “Who can throw a knife farther?” followed by “Who can unbuckle armor faster?” You get the idea.
The Notorious Albert Wesker Erotic Fanfic Show Final Performance
The FINAL Notorious Zombie Related Erotic FanFic Show
The Runner Ups
11. Piers Nivans × Albert Wesker (Nivsker)
Piers, the earnest young sharpshooter. Fans imagine me sweeping him away before Chris’s protective biceps crush his potential. It’s less “romance” and more “scientific abduction with benefits,” but people love it. Poor Piers. He deserved better than canon… and apparently got me instead.
12. Sergei Vladimir × Albert Wesker (Vladsker)
Sergei — Umbrella’s towering Russian enforcer. The fandom takes one look at his size and one look at my ego and declares: perfection. They picture us arm wrestling, vodka flowing, and eventually collapsing onto mahogany desks. If anyone breaks the desk, it’s Sergei.
13. Alexia Ashford × Albert Wesker (Weskerford)
Ah, Alexia. Brilliant, deranged, and encased in a chrysalis of entitlement. Fans conjure up Gothic romance with a dash of insectoid horror. Think candlelit castles, virus cocktails, and two egos too large for one room. A ship that ends in glorious fire.
14. Chris/Jill/Wesker (Polystars)
The ménage à trois of Raccoon City. Fans couldn’t decide whether I belonged with Chris or Jill, so they solved it with geometry. Triangles are stable, they say. Unless I push the other two into a pit and fly away in a helicopter. Still, they seem to enjoy the fantasy.
15. Leon/Chris/Wesker (Weskenfield)
Because clearly two Redfield men and me is better than one. This ship is essentially an arm-wrestling match that devolves into shirtless wrestling. The fans want it sweaty, chaotic, and filled with unresolved macho tension. I suppose I’m the referee. Or maybe the prize.
16. Wesker/Reader
Ah yes, the self-insert. Dear reader, apparently you, too, want to stand under my cool sunglasses and be judged unworthy… before inevitably ending up in my lap. It’s flattering, in a viral-strain-of-the-month sort of way. You do realize I’m fictional, don’t you? Of course you don’t. Carry on.
17. Wesker Siblings (Albert × Alex Wesker)
Now this one is… questionable. Shipping me with my “sister” Alex. Fandom, really? Even I have limits. Although, given Alex’s penchant for twisted psychology and my flair for dramatics, I suppose someone saw potential for soap opera mayhem. PG-13, people. PG-13.
18. Albert Wesker × Jake Muller (AlbertJake)
Jake, my supposed offspring. Yes, fandom went there. Freud is cackling from beyond the grave. This ship is generally tagged as problematic, but oh, how the internet loves forbidden fruit. I’ll simply say: no, thank you. My sunglasses fogged just typing this.
19. Crossover Ships from Dead by Daylight
Once I entered Dead by Daylight, the multiverse imploded. Fans paired me with survivors like Meg Thomas, Jake Park, and Vittorio Toscano. Apparently, fog-filled forests are the perfect setting for illicit romance. I prefer data labs, but to each their own.
20. The Unholy Grab Bag
Finally, the collective “why not” category. Fans have put me with everyone from Hunk to random zombies. Some even tried Nemesis. Do you know how impractical that is? He doesn’t even fit through most doors. But who am I to judge? Ship and let ship, my dear test subjects.
A Final Viral Note
So there you have it: twenty of the most virulent pairings ever concocted by your overactive imaginations. You’ve turned my legacy of dominance, betrayal, and genetic superiority into a sprawling soap opera of candlelight, biceps, and improbable romance. And yet, part of me admires it. After all, humans need distractions while I plot global domination. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must polish my sunglasses and prepare for the next bout of fanfiction fever. For further study on humanity’s obsession with me, visit Fanlore. It’s practically a containment facility for your imaginations.
