A Guide on What Not to Do Behind The Mic
So, you want to be the worst voice actor ever? Whether you’re aiming to ruin your career before it starts or just want to have some fun at the microphone’s expense, this is the guide for you. With the right mix of bad habits and lack of effort, you can make sure that no casting director will ever take your calls again. Let’s learn from the best of the worst in the business!
1. Ignore the Script – It’s Just a Suggestion, Anyway
Why bother understanding the script when you can just wing it? After all, spontaneity is the spice of life, right? Take a leaf out of the book of any rushed celebrity voice-over cameo. Remember when a certain action star mumbled through his lines in a major animated film, turning what was supposed to be an epic character into a forgettable blip? The lesson here is clear: don’t waste time comprehending character motivations or story arcs. Bonus points if you can mispronounce names or skip entire paragraphs.
2. Emotion is Overrated – Keep It Monotone
If you want to truly bomb at voice acting, you must master the art of monotony. Think Ben Stein in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” but less engaging. Emotions are messy and hard to control, so why bother? One of the best examples of this comes from a famous TV actress who lent her “vibrant” voice to a video game. Her robotic delivery was so devoid of life that gamers famously chose to skip the dialogue sequences just to save themselves from auditory torture. Aim to be as forgettable as possible; it’s less work, too!
3. Technique is for Amateurs – Just Yell Into the Mic
Voice acting is not singing; nobody cares about your vocal range or control. To truly excel at being awful, treat every session like you’re calling out to someone across a crowded stadium. Ignore those pesky engineers who try to talk about “peaking” and “clipping.” A real bad voice actor knows that the louder they are, the more impactful their performance. Remember the time a renowned comic actor blew out the sound levels during a commercial voice-over? His screaming left viewers more concerned about their eardrums than the product. That’s the level of professional incompetence you should aspire to.
4. Forget the Audience – You’re Performing for Yourself
Great voice actors have a knack for engaging with their audience, making each listener feel like the performance is just for them. To be the worst, you need to do the exact opposite. Think about the notorious diva whose voice-over in a children’s movie was so peppered with inside jokes and obscure references that not even the adults got it. The key is to alienate your audience so completely that they wonder who on earth approved this script.
5. Consistency is Boring – Change Your Accent Mid-Sentence
Who says a character should sound the same throughout an entire show? That’s just predictably boring. For a truly terrible performance, start the scene with a British accent and end it in a Southern drawl. Look up the critically panned voice work of a famous actor turned voice-over artist in an animated disaster. He switched between accents so frequently that the character seemed to be having an identity crisis. This level of inconsistency is what you should aim for if you want to secure your place in the hall of shame.
In Conclusion (Because Who Cares About Teen Speak?)
By following these five simple tips, you’ll be on the fast track to becoming a voice-over artist that nobody wants to hire. Remember, it takes a special kind of talent to be memorably bad. So next time you step into the recording booth, throw all that good advice out the window and embrace your inner mediocrity. After all, if you’re going to suck at something, you might as well be the best at it!
